Aggravating the Devil

The Priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still the man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know for sure where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."

BRING ON THE RABBITS
Following our church's Easter musical, our 4-year-old daughter
went through the house shouting, "Give us the rabbits! Give us
the rabbits!" Finally I asked why she was shouting this.

"Daddy, that's what all those people were yelling on the
stage," she explained. I thought for a moment and then it
dawned on me. The crowd was actually yelling, "Give us
Barabbas!"

-- Marc W., Campbellsville, KY

from "Life in Our House," Christian Parenting Today magazine
http://ChristianityToday.com/cpt/9g2/9g2014.html

WHY PARENTS HAVE GRAY HAIR

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child whispering,
"Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice
whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the
policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing very concerned especially as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear
piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"Honey, what is going on at your house?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed, whispering voice the child answered, "Some men in a hello-copper just landed and are looking around."
Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they looking for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "Me"

Servant
Hearing a department store clerk address me as "Ma'am," four-year-
old Jennifer asked what that meant.

"Ma'am is short for madam," I replied. "It's a polite way to
address a woman."

Jennifer asked what name Daddy would be called.

"Sir," I answered.

"Sir ..." she thought for a moment, "that must be short for
servant!"

Finding the Humor in Your Daily Life

FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT?
When my son, Evan, was three, we started a bedtime ritual of
singing Christian songs. He particularly liked "Amazing
Grace." One day as I was driving, he asked me to sing him a
song. When I asked Evan which one he'd like to hear, he
responded, "You know, that song about those amazing grapes."

-- Diana, Florida

from "Small Talk," Today's Christian Woman magazine
http://ChristianityToday.com/tcw/8w2/8w2031.html

OUR LIVES BELONG TO GOD

Writing on the topic of worship, author Greg Laurie shares the
following:

I heard the story of a woman who had finished shopping and
returned to her car. She found four men inside the car. She
dropped her shopping bags, drew a handgun, and screamed, "I
have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car."
Those men did not wait for a second invitation; they got out
and ran like crazy.

The woman, somewhat shaken, loaded her shopping bags and then
got into the car. But no matter how she tried, she could not
get her key into the ignition. Then it dawned on her: her car
was parked four or five spaces away! She loaded her grocery
bags into her own car and then drove to the police station to
turn herself in. The desk sergeant to whom she told the story
nearly fell off his chair laughing. He pointed to the other
end of the counter, where four men were reporting a carjacking
by an old woman with thick glasses and curly white hair, less
than five feet tall, and carrying a large handgun. No charges
were filed.

You see, she thought it was her car, but it really belonged to
someone else. We think our lives are our own, but they really
belong to God.

Illustration from PreachingToday.com: http://PreachingToday.com/
by Greg Laurie, "A Time to Worship," Decision (November 2001);
submitted by Van Morris

Why death at 11 am

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where
patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even
thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could
solve the mystery..... as to: Why the death at 11 AM?

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decide to go
down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next
Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously
wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon
was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other
holy objects to ward off the evil........

Just when the clock struck 11..... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday
sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so
that he could use the vacuum cleaner.